Tags
Achievement, Class Reunion, Confusion, Dilemma, Empty success, Entry, Exit, Friendless, Hollow pride, Loneliness, Misery, Misfit, Odd man out, Thursday Poet Rally Week 24, Vacant successes, Worries
He finally walked into the room
Swelling with pride
He had always dreamt
Of a day when he could deride
When he could tell these people
Of successes in his stride
But now, as they shook hands with him
The faces his eyes caught
The smiles he could barely return
The glances that he fought
These were the same people
He had been with a lot
What seems to be ages back
But an age it’s definitely not
The same once-teenage boys
With whom he smoked some pot
With whom he learned and laughed
With whom he was besot
And now, here they stand
Just the same as then
With the same glint in their orbs
With the same charm and zen
While he has changed thousandfold
Amassed wealth and ruled men
Made fame amid vacuous heads
Lived alone in a palatial den
So is he to gloat over
His empty achievements
Or is he to feel left out of
A world of simple assortments?
His dilemma thickens…
Just like his boiling success
But all he can now do
Is silently slip out at recess
Hoping he gets called back in
By these kind kings, into their fortress
Jamie Dedes said:
Ah, you make us suffer along with him, feel what he is feeling. Good! Happy Rally day, Kavita!
Kavita said:
Aarrgghhh… I really didn’t want him to suffer either. Which is why I just cooked him up as well as his story…
But am glad you liked the read…
A very happy rally day to you as well, Jamie!!!
ishabelle said:
what a nice poem… lengthy, but well worth reading… 🙂
Kavita said:
Oh..thank you, Ishabelle !! Yes, it is lengthy..especially considering that my previous poem was sooo short 🙂
But am glad you liked the read…
Have a wonderful day!!
class monitor said:
Too good. Touched my heart.
Kavita said:
Glad you liked it, Srini …
sleepswithbear said:
Good portrait of a particular psychological situation.
Kavita said:
Thank you so much for the appreciation… It means a lot!!
buttercup600 said:
You have an amazing mind and every poem to me is a piece of art. So very creative and beautiful. Happy rally girlfriend
Kavita said:
Amanda,
Your kind words always make me very very happy!!! Thanks a million!!!! 🙂
And you have a happy rally too…. love n hugs..
nanno1982 said:
you truely transferred his feeling of empty success to me.. my heart beats so fast!
I love it!
Kavita said:
Gosh!! I am flattered! Am glad you sensed exactly what I wanted the character in my poem to feel (although it wasn’t a very pleasant feeling.. )
Thank you so much for your kind comments … Really makes me happy when I see that a reader liked what he read… Thanks indeed!!!
ncbeachcomber_asa said:
It is a strane thing to step into the past, you can eaisly slip back into what you once were and see life for what is really is. All the guys had the “same glint in their orbs.” says so much more than it says. This is cool, thank you.asa
Kavita said:
You bet it is easy to step back in time, and replay the old scenes in your mind…
Am please to hear that you enjoyed the read… as much as I enjoyed to write it! Thank you so much!!
heartspell said:
Success sometimes comes at a price, but remaining stagnant has troubles of its own… well said. Heartspell
Kavita said:
Thank you Heartspell…
Yes, you are right! Sometimes the choices one has to make are quite tough indeed…
Inelle Zshayra said:
Your words are just so amazing! Excellent work!
Kavita said:
Gee… thank you so much for your kind appreciation, Inelle… Am glad you liked this poem…
Jingle said:
excellent tale,
very smooth flow of words…
😉
Kavita said:
Glad you liked the poem, Jingle.. Thank you for your kinds words ..
Have a lovely weekend!
theonlycin said:
This is gooood!
Kavita said:
Ooooh… Thanks a bunch, Cindy!!!
Have a lovely weekend!
AD said:
I would say awesome.. such a great poem and such great power… You really have the great gift of writing with you..
Kavita said:
Oh… thank you so much, Abhishek !! These words of encouragement mean a lot to me!!!
Have a great July… and do keep stopping by..
trisha said:
very intelligent. sometimes material success doesnot makes us happy at all. we should be very careful about how much of ourselves we shall invest in pursue of success.
Kavita said:
Yes, Trisha! I am 100% with you on your thought!!! Material possessions might account for a portion of our happiness, but I think, eventually, we all look for something beyond that… So your words ‘choose carefully how much of ourselves we invest’ describe it PERFECTLY!
Thank you for stopping by, and for your kind of words of encouragement…
Have a lovely July!
Chris G. said:
Empty pride built up on hollow successes…amazing work describing the feelings behind such realizations. Also: kept picturing a high school reunion like the whole way through…haha.
Kavita said:
Thanks a ton for your kind words, Chris!! I am glad you liked my work… thankfully, it was just an imaginary realization (and not something I experienced). But yes, a high school reunion was EXACTLY what I had in mind :))
Have a lovely weekend ahead…
Harshika said:
very true alright!!! can’t keep thinking of once self and once glory always . that’s being conceit
Kavita said:
Thank you for visiting, Harshika…
Yes.. the achievements of the past are sometimes well worth gloating over 🙂 And yet, there’s the “other” stuff…
Hope you have a lovely weekend ahead !!
Tim Keeton said:
Simply wonderful.
Rhyme on!
Tim Keeton
(Undead)Poet / Wizard / Teller-of-tales
Kavita said:
Thank you so much, Tim!!! Glad you enjoyed this bit…
And yes, I will rhyme on… 🙂
In fact, I am also looking forward to joining the Undead Poets Society!!! It looks verrrrrrrryyyy inviting!! 🙂
Jingle said:
http://thursdaypoetsrallypoetry.wordpress.com/2010/07/02/the-perfect-poet-award-4-thursday-poets-rally-week-24/
week 24 the perfect poet award…
enjoy!
Kavita said:
Hurraaayyyy!! Thank you soooo much for the award, Jingle!!! I am truly truly honored!!! Celebration time!!
Have a fantastic weekend…
Luke Prater said:
Good stuff, yeah. Like yr style. Thanks for the visit… poetry… aahhh…
Stay good
Luke
Kavita said:
Thanks for dropping by, Luke… Glad you liked the read…
Poetry…ahhh … you can say that again!!! 🙂
Have a lovely July !
joan said:
I love readings others comments – but find it is best to wait and read them after, this way my first impression of the poem is strongest.
You captured a slice of life — a human dilemma of growing and achieving and leaving the past behind,
However,your poem had a twist –on many levels of what he left behind — I won’t go into all the imagery it conjured up , but it would make for a fruitful dialog with one’s psychologist.
3 cheers to you and sometimes poem are best short and sometimes lon– no right no wrong — just go with the flow of your words.
Joanny
Kavita said:
Thank you so much, Joanny, for stopping by to read, and for your encouraging words! Like you said, there really is no right or wrong with poetry… just with go with, just as you go with life… and enjoy every bit of it! This poem was pure imagination for me (thankfully 🙂 )… And I am very glad you liked the read..
Have a lovely July..
mairmusic said:
Ah, once an outsider… Always glad to see another rhymer. Did you make this form up?
http://mairmusic.wordpress.com/
Kavita said:
Glad you liked the read, Mair..Thanks for stopping by…
Oh yea, I totally made this form up… The draft version had no rhyme in it, just the idea in lines… then I modified it by adding rhyme, but maintaining the meaning and the number of lines… somehow, I didn’t feel like changing the length of the poem…
Ah… poetry is bliss!
Anyway, hope you have a lovely weekend… am looking forward to read your poems already!
brownpaperbaggirl said:
I really liked this. Very powerful and true.
Kavita said:
Thank you so much for dropping by… and I am really glad you liked the poem..
Yes, we sometimes get so carried with the material gains, that we tend to forget about the finer things in life… Maybe it’s time to step ever so slightly, and just give it a thought…
Take care, and have a lovely July!!!
P.S. Loved the name of your blog!! Too cool.. 🙂
buttercup600 said:
Congratulations on winning the award girlfriend…no doubt about you 🙂 x
Kavita said:
Thanks a zillion, Amanda!!! Your good wishes definitely helped me get there…
You have a lovely relaxed weekend, girl… (lotsa love n hugs)
Val said:
It’s hard to tell a story disguised as a poem but you’ve done it perfectly. What I liked about this man you created, was that he hadn’t lost his insecurity and humanity despite the life he’d cultivated and the possessions he’d amassed. It’s an important function of this poem because it made the reader relate to ever single line. Refreshing and original idea!
Kavita said:
Thank you so much, Val, for your appreciation for this poem…
I am really glad you enjoyed the read. Yes, the fictitious character in this story-poem is not so fictitious after all… He lives in many of us… It’s on us how we choose to justify his actions, and later how we choose to outdo him!
Once again, thanks for dropping by, and for your kind comments…
mstevensson said:
Excellent poem. Really puts fortune versus happiness into perspective. You always want what you cannot have.
Kavita said:
Thanks you so much for visiting, and commenting on my blog… Glad you liked it..
You have put it so adequately… wanting what you cannot have… really the story of many a life huh..
Anyway, you have a lovely weekend!!!
edpilolla said:
this idea that we can conquer, can achieve, can wander and have stories, so many, deep within us, and still be the accepted by our old friends, that we can still be who we were, and can always be who we used to be.
so good, as usual.
Kavita said:
Thank you for you kind words… Glad you enjoyed this read…
Yes… the specialty about good friends is they simply accept us for who we are! But shouldn’t be our justification for taking them for granted (which we tend to do, at times)
Have a lovely weekend, and great July!!!
tekia said:
the theme of being wealthy and yet feeling left out was portrayed very nicely here. There is a lesson to be learned from this. Enjoyed my read very much. Nice work!
Kavita said:
Yaaayyy… glad you liked the read, Tekia! Thank you so much for your kind words… 🙂
Oh yea, experiences, learnings… it is an ongoing process indeed!
surbi said:
amazingly written.. there’s is only one at the top and unfortunately it’s very lonely there..:(
Kavita said:
Gee..thanks a bunch, Surbhi…
Yea, it’s quite a sad place up there… but that also depends on the steps you took to get there…
Anyway, have a fabulous week ahead! Enjoiiiieee… 🙂