Tags
Bittersweet, Bottled up, dversepoets, FormForAll, Ghazal, Kept over time, Marinated, Pickled, Soaked, Sour, Tangy, Volcanic
Image clicked by me in an atypical New York cafe
Where smiles flew and teardrops streamed
Emotions stood still, pickled in a jar
Wars were fought and blood was drained
But souls remained, pickled in a jar
Words had charmed few shallow minds
Yet fear prevailed, pickled in a jar
Bounds were crossed, and sanctums snatched
But secrets lived, pickled in a jar
The sands of time kept rolling on
With shimmering waves pickled in a jar
An endless night gave a nervous laugh
But the morning sun sat pickled in a jar
Like a forlorn poem, Kavita sighed
Her void thoughts lying pickled in a jar…
**Posted for FormForAll @ d’VersePoets… and when I saw that the form for this week is Ghazals, I simply had to try it myself!! I loved it… and I hope you too take the time to explore this beautiful form of poetry, and while at it, have fun!! **
How I write, is mine...How you read, is yours 
ha – nice one kavita…sometimes it may be no bad idea to take all the void thoughts and put them in a jar with some vinegar, spices and who knows how they come out after a while…smiles
you can say that again, Claudia!! Even empty and sour thoughts can help in poetic recipes đ
Great attempt at this form – I felt pickled in the jar ;D I’m here from the hop.
P.S: I do a creative blog hop over the weekends – this would be a great addition, should you wish to link up
http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/08/weekend-creation-blog-hop-plus-2-poems.html
SHAH X
hahah.. glad you liked it, Shah đ Thanks for stopping by, and for your appreciation towards this piece.. glad you liked it! Thanks for the link too… will certainly be visiting you soon!
Lovely write! Loved the imagery; the last two couplets take the prize.
Cheers
Padmavani
Woohooo!! Thank you so much, Padma.. I was initially inspired to try this form only after reading YOUR poem… totally loved it!
ha they pickle well though…nice..each couplet adding a layer, you play it nice kavita
hehehe… I am pleased that you liked this one, Brian… thank you…
So.. is it gonna be Dill for you?! đ
Nice thoughts, pickled in a jar.
Ohh.. thank you so much, Janaki… nice of you to say that.. but I hope the thoughts come to paper soon.. đ
Nice mesh of metaphor and personal associations, strong sense of rhythm, and an unusual and original refrain. I like the way you worked yourself into the close and compared yourself to a poem–way cool. I can’t begin to critique the form, but I enjoyed it much, with this couplet my favorite:
An endless night gave a nervous laugh
But the morning sun sat pickled in a jar
Yaaayy… thank YOU for the positively encouraging words here, Joy! You are a real dear!
Oh, as for comparing myself to a poem, well, my name (Kavita) actually means “a poem” in Hindi đ
So glad you liked this piece, sweetie..
xxx
Dear kavitha as does ur name ur a poetess
time doth come to open the jar
a pickle doth tingle a taste bud from far
savoured with a curd rice
aint it add to it a spice
worry not when words doth not flow
it doth come when the dam of thoughts do blow
Aww… how sweet of you to say that, Ajith… thank youuuuuuuu….
Yes, I do hope the pickled thoughts and words soon begin flow on paper (notepad) đ
I like how you setup the final lines Kavita…very clever.
Woohoo.. thanks a ton, Charles! đ Like the pickle then, eh? đ
Pickled in a jar. Great image Kavita. Everything preserved. You can keep it in a pantry or take it from the shelf to examine it. Seems a very appropriate refrain for this form of poetry. I especially like the clever way you inserted your “signature” into the final couplet. I think you did very well. Thanks for writing and linking! Gay
Absolutely, Gay!! These thoughts just stay pickled.. and then they end up tasting totally yummy.. don’t they? đ
Glad you liked this experimental piece, my friend.. and thank you so much for introducing us to such a lovely form of poetry.. I was really drawn to it…
Love it:)
Aww… thanks, girlie… you are a very sweet one…
xoxoxo
Hi nice one
Gee.. thanks, Ajit!!!
Hi, my feedback is based on these five factors starting from a traditional perspective but also looking at modern developments. I draw on Agha Shahid Ali’s, chapter from An Exaltation of forms (Ed Finch and Varnes). This is a poem of his based on the traditional rules. http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/172051
1) Association
One of the key factors of the form – traditional or modern is that the couplets need to be based as it were on variations on a theme. And stand alone as the order should not matter. This you have done.
2) Theme
The first couplet usually sets out the theme of the poem, which appears to be struggling to get at things hidden. So a modern theme.
3) Couplets
Nice set of couplets without enjambment. Some enjambment occurs in the modern forms but as the exception in the poem rather than the norm. You cleverly refer or hint at the narrator/writer in the last couplet/two lines.
4) Rhyme and refrain
In the classical tradition, the opening couplet would set the refrain and internal rhyme in the first and second line. Then in the rest of the couplets the refrain and internal rhyme would be on the second line. The refrain is as the classical tradition. You have no internal rhyme, which is fine
5) Metre
Not to sure of the strategy here as the line count varied over the couplets.
In short, it had many classical features but also some modern adaption so well within the Ghazal range.
WHOA!! Thank you so much for the honest and in-depth feedback, John.. I really REALLY appreciate it a lot!
Well, this was my first attempt at Ghazals.. and with such positive words from you, I am all set to try a few Ghazals more… YAAAYY!!
Thanks again, my friend..
Kavita a truly wonderful piece and I was impressed with how you handled the form. Great write ~ Rose
Gee.. thank you, Rose.. I really felt like trying out this poetry form.. I hope I succeeded at least to some extent đ And I am really glad you could appreciate it, my friend… thanks again!
Kavita, this was a joy to read! Great work on the form and wonderful, original refrain.
Wowwiieesss… thanks, Anna.. you are very kind…
I am very happy you liked the refrain I used here… yaaaaaayyyy
Very catchy that phrase, pickled in a jar. Gonna be with me most of the night. I really enjoyed this piece and presentation of form and images of history. Superb!
hehehe… so now this phrase will get pickled in your memory jar, eh, Henry?! đ Well, I am honored indeed!!
Thanks for the kind words, my friend..
Kavita…this was wonderful….I really liked your ghazal.
Poignant….
Lady Nyo
Oh woww.. thanks a heap, Lady Nyo.. you are very kind and encouraging…
This is a lovely ghazal… I like the pickled in a jar refrain. Nice mention of your name in the last line…
You have done well in this form, and I think you should post more of these ~
Ooooooohhh… I love you for saying that, Heaven!! THANK YOUUUU!! Yesterday, when I read about the Ghazal, I was totally drawn towards the form… and after writing this one, I really felt like writing more.. and now you saying so makes me wanna write more and more of these!! Yaaaayyy!!
Thank you thank you thank you, dearie!! xoxoxooxo
I am very happy you liked this ghazal…
“An endless night gave a nervous laugh
But the morning sun sat pickled in a jar”
I LOVE that!
hehe.. thank you soooo much, Mama Z… May a smiling sun always shine upon you though đ
Kavita…where did you come up with idea? Such a creative approach and a well-executed Ghazal no less. Congrats.
Hehehh… Thanks, Victoria!!! I really have no idea how or from where I got this idea… đ But I really liked this poetry form, and totally felt compelled to try it out… đ
Glad you liked this attempt of mine… Yayyyy
xoxoxoxo
Like a forlorn poem, Kavita sighed
Her void thoughts lying pickled in a jarâŚ
I know that feeling, Kavita! I really enjoyed the refrain “pickled in a jar”; I find it both humorous and existential!
đ Thanks, David… yes, the idea of that refrain was indeed to give a mixed-feelings effect.. Glad you liked it…
Hey Kavita,
I made it to you blog at last – and it was soooo worth it. Your sense of word play=imagery really lights up my imagination and fires up the my poetic thought buds!
The language you practise is very sensual, in a bitter way of course, as must have been your intention – pickled vinegar etc is sure to evoke an after taste of displeasure – my favourite flavour!
The more i read and revisited the more i found to love – the suspension of all in a acidic liquidised formula of inertia – is a radical and profound idea.
Your concept brilliant and your delivery in this format feels faultless although this all became secondary to me as i relished this bitter sweet piece of poetry.
Sentiment and refrain are palpable and engrossing.
Glad i made it – a real pleasureto absorb -inspirational.
Cheers – C u at the Bar
Arron
Whoooaaa!! It’s so good to have you visit my writing space, Arron.. your words of appreciation and encouragement really made my weekend, I swear!! And I CANNOT thank you enough for that! Your interpretations and analysis of this poem shows how much thought you put into it while reading it.. and I really appreciate that, my friend…
And I am really very happy you liked the conceptualization, structure and presentation of this poem… your opinion and feedback here really mean a great deal to me! I hope you continue to express your thoughts over my works in the future as well… again, THANKS!!!
C u at the happy hour đ
xx
I think this was very well done indeed! You seem to have nailed the form, with some wonderful couplets.
Wooww.. thanks for saying that, Kerry… I really liked the form.. and I think I am now encouraged enough to try more on it… đ
Hey, you in NY?
Could be, for I was outta touch of blogs for more than a year.
Have started reading and writing (blogs) again. Lets see how long this stint continues.
Heeeeeeeeeeeyyyy… loong time!! đ It’s great to see you again… How have you been?
Yea, I am very much in NY… you too, eh?
Nopes, in India as expected. But nice to get to read some of your expressive poems. Keep writinh, and I will try to keep mine going too..
Oh.. thanks..
By the way, how’re the studies and post-studies events coming along? đ
I am yet to read your latest poem.. will do that in a bit… but I certainly am looking forward to more and more from you…
Where did you come up with the ghazal repeat, “Pickled in a jar”? That ‘s brilliant! You know I’m not one for forms myself, so when someone nails it, I say “BRAVA!” Your last line said so much about writer’s block, and yet, here you are, SO unblocked as to be unstoppable. Great stuff, Kavita, great. Amy
Poets United prompt: http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/08/13/three-images-of-women-poets-united-she/
Yaaaaaaaayy…. cheers to free spirit and free-verse… but then again, some forms really intrigue you.. don’t they? đ And you simply cannot resist temptation.. teeheehee
I am happy you liked this one, Amy.. mmwwaaaahhhh!! Thank you sooooo much for your super encouraging words here….
oh, Kavita, this was a pure joy to read. I love the refrain “pickled in a jar.” made me giggle each time I read it. and that you used your name in the last couplet was very exciting to me – not many of us did that. job well done, my poet friend đ
hehehe.. thank youuuu, Sheila dear~
Glad you liked this Ghazal… I simply enjoyed writing it too… LOVED the form, ya know.. đ
well then Kavita should open the jar and let it out đ and Unpickle the Pickeled in the jar ..
hehehe.. Amen to that, Bikram… Off I fly… not pickled any more đ
Ohh… Really so great ma’am… A wonderful comparison b/w the eatery jar and the spice of life…
Thnx so much for givin us such amazing poems…
I recently completed my 60th poem “Lost is the love, Lost is the beauty…” Please do take a look at it…
Are you in Facebook ma’am?? coz i spend more time there due to a lot friends and my poem readers… I wish too see u in Facebook too… wish u wer in FB…
But if u are already in Facebook then please do give me ur link of Facebook ma’am….
Urs loving,
–SHRA1–
Wowww.. congrats on your 60th poem, Shravan!! That’s great!! Will visit you in a few minutes! Yea, I am on FB… actually, you will find my FB link somewhere on my blog sidebar itself.. đ
And thanks for your ever sweet words here, my friend… I really appreciate your continued support here.. it means a great deal to me!!
Its not abt just a support maâam.. U r lyk a caring mother to me⌠U r one of the main reasons that i m continuing my writing⌠I love u so much..
By the way..
I didn get ur FB address in the sidebar…
http://www.facebook.com/skshravan
This is mine maam… Will be waitin 4 ur frnz request….
WITH LOTS OF LOVE,
urs SHRAVAN…
well well.. thanks anyway!
Oh my my!!
it’s my turn to sigh now.. some pickle variety you have bottled.. awesome girl!!
A very powerful n emotional write..
Sending you some fresh hugs xoxox
Awww… thanks, girlie… I knew you would like this one! I just KNEW IT!!!
Yes… I need those fresh hugs alright! đ
Right back at ya, Liv!! xxxxxxooooo
Its not abt just a support ma’am.. U r lyk a caring mother to me… U r one of the main reasons that i m continuing my writing… I love u so much..
LOLOLOL…yea, right! Well, I am glad I could inspire (albeit unknowingly)… đ